“Recently, I’ve been battling the imposter syndrome of great things happening for me. On one hand I’m extremely grateful and this is what I prayed for. On the other hand, I feel guilty for leaving behind my home, my past, as this journey of elevation does not come with EVERYBODY. Specifically moving out of my neighborhood of Inglewood into what one would call a “white neighborhood” or “suburb”. I know I am deserving of living anywhere in the world that God leads me, but it’s tough letting go of the culture, the environment, and what was my ‘norm’ for so long. I’ve already been getting side-eyed like I think I’m too good for the ‘hood’ but my heart will always be where home is. What would Amanda say?” - Anonymous
First of all, congratulations on all your success! May God bless you with many more. Immediately following, I would also say, “Everybody can’t go”, respectfully. No shade. No tea. Just truth.
“Don't forget about us when you get on.”
Think about the times you’ve heard people say “oh yeah, she’s on now” or “oh yeah she got on and blah blah” it's usually followed by something negative. In the Black community, “getting on” has a generally lukewarm connotation.
Recently my therapist has been reminding me of the concept of growing pains. While most may think of growing pains as a physical response, it can be psychological as well. With growth comes change and change brings uncomfortability and it’s more than normal to grieve things that have passed on - people, places, things, mindsets, lifestyles. But, we have to remind ourselves that its 1) such is life *Kanye shrug* and 2) Change is good and necessary.
It’s hard grieving your past life and trying to be excited for the future and it's tough knowing you’ll have to leave some people behind on your journey. And it probably feels weird stepping into new spaces that you aren't fully comfortable with as well. Imposter syndrome will make you feel like you don't belong anywhere - the place you’ve just grown from feels stale and dated, and the season you're moving into feels too big to handle. Though I still battle with this, know that you are fully capable, and doors that God opens, no man can shut.
“She got out the hood and left us behind.”
“The hood” is a pillar in the essence of Black experience. It is for some, the basis to our livelihood and a driver for overall African-American culture. I personally love the hood - it has best music, best hair styles, the best food, master creativity and more. The hood has a lot to offer but, where we have to draw the line is thinking that the hood is all life has to offer.
With just a bit of research, we know that many of our people were pushed into “hoods” or “ghettos” based on economic mobility, white flight, redlining, mass incarceration - I could go on. The point is, the “hood” is not something that Black people endured so much that we fought to have it. Quite the opposite actually.
We were pushed and forced to live in these communities and these conditions. In true Black fashion, we’ve created something (community, culture, family) out of nothing (lack of jobs, under-resourced schools, systemic racism). But that doesn't mean it's the best place for us.
So, to the piece about leaving your neighborhood I say -
The hood is not our destiny. The hood was given to us by a system that doesn't care about us.
So while I love the hood and hold the upmost respect for the hood, respectfully, the hood doesn't love you back - its the people. It’s always been the resilience, tenacity, creativity of our people that shape who we are and our culture. The neighborhood is just a box that in the inside contains the true gifts, passion, creativity and essence of our people.
So to this I would say, your current mailing address is so much less important than the connections that you share and continue to foster with your people. Your people are what matters most. The hood will always be there.
“She think she better than us.”
Becoming all that you want and aspire to be, especially as a Black woman, can also come with a side of survivor's remorse. It’s up to us to not get so full on that side of remorse that we forget to enjoy the main entrée which is growth, success, elevation, abundance, etc.
Staying connected to your people is what matters most. My advice to you as you continue your transformation but still remain grounded to your section:
Everybody can’t go. Saying “no” sometimes will lead a better life for you.
Reframe your thinking to that of gratitude. “I get to elevate and and show my people what else life has to offer”
Extend opportunities to also help your friends and family members grow You can be the person to show them what else life has to offer.
Show up for the moments that truly matter. Only you know what’s really important to your family and friends. Prioritize those moments.
The humble don’t stumble.
xoxo Amanda